I’m not good with people. I used to be, but that was back when my friends were made for me. Like back in elementary school when I was friends with my mom’s friend’s kids. Like Becca, we’ve always been friends, but had it not been for our mothers we would’ve never known eachother. I used to be what my mom called a “social butterfly”, always making new friends, hanging out with friends, all that, but now… Now things are different. People make me nervous. I know that they’re just people, and there’s no reason to be scared of them but I am. I don’t know how to act around people. I’m awkward. I have thousands of thoughts in my head but I don’t know when or how to say them. My hi’s are always too loud or too soft. I couldn’t ask someone to hang out even if I tried. Hanging out with new people just doesn’t happen because I don’t know what to do. When I talk to anyone my age, I revert to acting like an elementary school girl talking to the first boy that’s ever shot a glance her way except it’s that way with everyone. So I retreat to my bedroom. My safety zone where I don’t have to worry. I read books and live the lives of other teenagers who have friends and fall in love and do teenager things. I live vicariously through the characters of fictional books. Still, I guess worry isn’t the right word to use. ‘Cause I do worry. I have 2 friends. And well, my mom probably doesn’t count so I’ve got 1. And while everyone here says it’s better to have one true friend than a million false ones, I know that my situation isn’t healthy. I hole myself up in my room everyday because even my family makes me nervous. I know that I can trust them, they’re really a nice bunch, and I love every one of them, but still I don’t know how to act around them. I just… I don’t even know how to put it. I’m supposed to have this conversation with my mom sometime. We started talking about it but then she “benched” it for awhile because she’s got other stuff to do. Hopefully we’ll talk about it. I don’t want it to be like this anymore.